Hopelessly Alone
I’ve been thinking about some of the recent and not so recent murders and suicides involving teens and young adults in the US. The Illinois campus. The Virginia campus. The shooting/suicides that took place in the wealthy Colorado suburban high school not too many years ago. Schools are clearly not the only settings where these tragedies happen. But they are the very places that have been created to provide hope. To offer life opportunities through learning.
I don’t doubt there must have been a variety of factors that triggered these murders and suicides. Nonetheless, I am convinced these kids share a sense of being hopelessly alone. Desperately misunderstood. Without a future.
One place to pierce through the hopeless isolation is listening. Not just hearing. Not assuming. Not judging. But listening to gain an understanding of him or her. Not necessarily agreeing. Not fixing anything. Simply understanding. Understanding opens the path to feeling cared about. That makes it possible to move forward onto a more positive path. What has your experience been? Have you ever experienced the marvelous experience of someone listening to and understanding you?
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:35 am
I understand the mentality and frustrations of these individuals, particularly Virginia Tech. I attended VT for 3 semesters during which time I spent an inordinate amount of time dealing with senseless issues and stress imposed by the witless administration.
Example 1: The school had a housing shortage my first semester. We were stuffed 3 persons to a 8×10 dorm room.
Example 2: I was enrolled in band for the first year automatically unknownst to me because I expressed some interest in band during a visitation the prior year. I spent the whole 3rd semester attempting to get a signature from the band faculty to get the course I hadn’t attended removed from my record because the particular faculty person I needed the signature from refused to make appointments. I had to catch him when “he was in the office” and he didn’t hold office hours.
Example 3: I inquired to the housing office to see what was involved in getting out of my on-campus housing agreement for my 4th semester. I was told “Just come in and sign a form.” Thinking that was all there was to it, I located and signed a contract for off-campus housing. When I returned to the housing office to “sign a form” the form turned out to be an application for a housing committee meeting to determine if I had the grounds to be let out of the on-campus housing agreement.
I exited my housing agreement by exiting Virginia Tech. To this day, if I were to read that Blacksburg had turned into a large smoking crater, I would grin from ear to ear. Virginia Tech deserves all the misery the Universe can muster.
So no, I haven’t been heard, and in fact it was never even possible for the institution lacked both ears and the desire to listen.
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Tim-
I understand your frustration with the university. You made a good decision to leave. Organizations of all kinds–not only higher education–need to take customer service seriously. You were the customer–i.e.: the student.. As you report it, you tried to communicate with them to find a better resolution to a bad housing situation.
You made your case. Your message fell on deaf ears. You decided to take your tuition money and plunk it down in another school which would presumably be more responsive. That is very different than taking your anger violently out on other people. I congratulate you on how you handled yourself in the situation!
Best,
Harriet