Mary reminded me of what life is like for The Outsider. She is 50 and her older sister, Sue, is 56. In the early years mom was alcoholic and could get pretty nasty. Dad flew the coup before Mary was 10. It was a home filled with anger and accusations. Sue has never been happy. Doesn’t matter that she married and raised two kids. She used to rant at mom. Now it’s Mary. Holidays have turned into nightmares for Mary.

Last summer mom fell and broke her hip. She’s now finished rehab and back home. Whatever Mary does it’s never good enough. (more…)

They are disciples of destructive dialogue, pervading harsh and hurtful words at work and at home. Motivators? HA! Exactly the opposite. Beware: The Criticizer.

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I’m psyched! My newest podcast now has a home…

If you’ve ever wondered how career and life coaching really works, and whether it’s right for you, I think PTM Cast can sort it all out for you. Please give a listen let me know if this is useful, okay? Thanks, so much!

Harriet

Early this morning Sue called complaining about Julie, her best friend since college. Julie apparently was bonding with her new boyrfriend, Steve. Part of the way she connected was to call Sue a loser. Sue was 35 and would never get it right with a man.

Thre was no denying it. It was in black and white on the email. The one Julie was asking Steve to go with her and Sue to meet the new guy. For some unknown reason Julie Cc’d Sue. Then she pressed send. Maybe a bit trigger happy. . . maybe intentional. May never know.

The friendship between the two women came to a screeching halt. With some embarrassment, Sue admitted she and Julie had talked about people behind their backs. She just never thought that Julie would do it to her.

It’s painful to be betrayed by someone you’ve trusted. Backstabbing is more common than I’d like to believe. It’s part of office politics. Some families do it. Some friends have done it.

One thing I know for sure. Stabbing a friend/co-worker/relative in the back breaks trust. Doesn’t have to be a close friend to permanently pollute the waters. Once trust is broken, the environment is poisoned.

Before jumping on the bonding bandwagon by ganging up against someone who is not there, think about the bigger picture. Trust is the rock bottom foundation of a relationship.

Remember, no one is protected in this game. You could be the next target. The best any of us can do is to stay clean.

It seems everybody is hiring a personal coach. What’s that about? Let’s de-mystify this thing called Life Coaching. Oh, and be sure to catch my new podcast series, PTMCast. Personal Training for the Mind.

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It’s the week-end, a time when most working people are officially “off duty.” I’ve been wondering on this beautiful day if you’re actually “off duty.” While you may not be officially “on duty,” I’ll bet you are “on duty” with stories of past and possible future failures or thoughts of having been victimized. Possibly every once in a while you may think about a happy moment or gratifying achievement.

While you’re “on duty” file this: your stories profoundly effect how you see yourself as well as how others see you. If you’re running harmful themes nonstop through your head, you’re setting up self limitations, and unnecessarily complicating your life. Negative stories disengage, block personal growth, and turn you into a victim. Positive stories mobilize you to dig deeper and make tough values-based choices that lead to expanded growth. The right stories deepen your engagement in life, keep hope alive and, despite risks, inspire you to take courageous action.

These stories of yours persist out of habit. As long as negative themes continue, there is little chance for positive change. To change your outcomes:

• Consciously reconstruct your main story to be optimistic
• Link it to your core values and goals.
• Deliberately repeat it until it becomes your new habit. (This can take 3 months.) An affirmative personal story is necessary for successful personal change. The right story engenders courage and deepens determination.

Now, I’m “off duty.”

Have a great day!

One thing that has bugged me for a long time is that reality is sometimes created by repetition.  It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s true. Said enough times, people believe it.  

To this day Susan’s situation gets to me. Her mother and oldest sister were both jealous of her. She was popular, a good student, and always seemed to be happy.  They weren’t. The lie began the summer we took a trip together.

Susan had worked three jobs to save for school and this trip. While we were away, their home was pickedted. Some people in town thought her dad was a slum landlord and demonstrated to get him to change his practices. All was quiet on the homefront when Susan returned and soon after left for school.

When Susan was away in school, mother began testing lies. Nothing took hold until she accused her of being good friends with one of the picketers. It did not matter that she hardly knew her. That started the ball rolling. This then morphed into Susan picketed the house. Family does not picket family. Susan is not part of my family. Mother won. Father, sister, and extended family finally bought into the lie. Susan was disowned. 

What bothers me about this is that it is darn right dangerous for more than Susan. Lies can and are fabricated about whole groups of people, not just about one person. That’s one reason we find it so hard to get along. 

Dr. Harriet 
 

Blogging sounds so simple so why am I having such a hard time getting started?  The more I think about it the more I believe it’s because I don’t really know what’s on your mind. I started Ask Dr. Harriet (and The Go-Go Girl, the alter-ego my podcast partner Ken created for me) because I am a woman on a mission.

I have a fantastic track record in coaching some of the world’s most wonderful people who have had so much going for them but for one reason or another were not achieving their dreams. I have been able to help most everyone to reach their dreams. That’s what I want to do for you. When I’m coaching, I know where a person is coming from, what they want, and what may be standing in the way. In other words, the information I need to help get you there. 

So, here’s the invitation: let me know your situation, what you would like help with achieving, what you see standing in the way. Use any user name you desire. Then, let’s start the conversation.

Riding out those post-conference blues.
Where were you on iPhone Friday?
Next time: cha, cha, cha, changes.

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Welcome to Voyeur Pod 3000! Boldly going where no podcast has gone before. Listen in as three women (and Pablo) discuss Internet dating. Guilty pleasures, yum!

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