Archive for the ‘Self-Improvement’ Category

Supposed Tos

Friday, December 7th, 2007

Tis the supposed to season. The Holidays!! The time of stress. The season of pressures. You’re supposed to shop. You’re supposed to be social. You’re supposed to decorate. You’re supposed to cook. You’re supposed to be fun. No shortage of expectations. And so little time! What’s a person to do?

I’ll bet you are pushing yourself to do what’s expected. Running yourself ragged. Yearning for some down time. Time for you. Do you dare?

Hopeful Outsiders

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

Andy and John are upset. She is one strong woman. He’s a minority. They’ve worked together for years in the same financial services firm. Last year both earned Vice President Titles. Then Bob came onto the scene. Since he’s taken over, the department turned toxic. They thought they were insiders. Now they find they’re outsiders.

Bob is accusatory. He routinely changes course. Then he goes at them for being too slow. He gossips behind their backs. He allows and encourages young hires to make unfounded accusations.


Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

Sammy just got downsized. He’s devastated. What will he say to his partner? His kids? They depnd on him. He’s in his 40s. His manager has talked alot about youth. They’re cheaper. They’ve better computer skills. More savvy with Internet marketing. Less responsibilities. He’s worried he won’t ever make the same money. How will he live on less? No loyalty. No protection. No future.


Monday, October 22nd, 2007

I just heard from Sarah, an Alpha-Woman. Sarah’s in pain. Her husband John has shutdown. He hasn’t made decent money for over 6 months. Time passes. There’s no hope on the horizon.

The more time passes the less Sarah gets through to John. He disappears behind the newspaper. He hides glued to the TV. When confronted, his eyes glaze over. To add insult to injury, John does less and less around the house. He says he has no time. The more Sarah’s frustrated, the less she gets through to John.

The Outsider

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Mary reminded me of what life is like for The Outsider. She is 50 and her older sister, Sue, is 56. In the early years mom was alcoholic and could get pretty nasty. Dad flew the coup before Mary was 10. It was a home filled with anger and accusations. Sue has never been happy. Doesn’t matter that she married and raised two kids. She used to rant at mom. Now it’s Mary. Holidays have turned into nightmares for Mary.

Last summer mom fell and broke her hip. She’s now finished rehab and back home. Whatever Mary does it’s never good enough. (more…)

#21 – Secrets Redux

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

We’ve got a do over! Well, almost. This is what happens when I answer my fan mail. Hope you’re happy now, Charlie!

This episode is currently only available to Premium subscribers.


Monday, October 8th, 2007

Early this morning Sue called complaining about Julie, her best friend since college. Julie apparently was bonding with her new boyrfriend, Steve. Part of the way she connected was to call Sue a loser. Sue was 35 and would never get it right with a man.

Thre was no denying it. It was in black and white on the email. The one Julie was asking Steve to go with her and Sue to meet the new guy. For some unknown reason Julie Cc’d Sue. Then she pressed send. Maybe a bit trigger happy. . . maybe intentional. May never know.

The friendship between the two women came to a screeching halt. With some embarrassment, Sue admitted she and Julie had talked about people behind their backs. She just never thought that Julie would do it to her.

It’s painful to be betrayed by someone you’ve trusted. Backstabbing is more common than I’d like to believe. It’s part of office politics. Some families do it. Some friends have done it.

One thing I know for sure. Stabbing a friend/co-worker/relative in the back breaks trust. Doesn’t have to be a close friend to permanently pollute the waters. Once trust is broken, the environment is poisoned.

Before jumping on the bonding bandwagon by ganging up against someone who is not there, think about the bigger picture. Trust is the rock bottom foundation of a relationship.

Remember, no one is protected in this game. You could be the next target. The best any of us can do is to stay clean.

#19 – Life Coaching

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

It seems everybody is hiring a personal coach. What’s that about? Let’s de-mystify this thing called Life Coaching. Oh, and be sure to catch my new podcast series, PTMCast. Personal Training for the Mind.

This episode is currently only available to Premium subscribers.

Story Talk

Sunday, September 23rd, 2007

It’s the week-end, a time when most working people are officially “off duty.” I’ve been wondering on this beautiful day if you’re actually “off duty.” While you may not be officially “on duty,” I’ll bet you are “on duty” with stories of past and possible future failures or thoughts of having been victimized. Possibly every once in a while you may think about a happy moment or gratifying achievement.

While you’re “on duty” file this: your stories profoundly effect how you see yourself as well as how others see you. If you’re running harmful themes nonstop through your head, you’re setting up self limitations, and unnecessarily complicating your life. Negative stories disengage, block personal growth, and turn you into a victim. Positive stories mobilize you to dig deeper and make tough values-based choices that lead to expanded growth. The right stories deepen your engagement in life, keep hope alive and, despite risks, inspire you to take courageous action.

These stories of yours persist out of habit. As long as negative themes continue, there is little chance for positive change. To change your outcomes:

  • Consciously reconstruct your main story to be optimistic
  • Link it to your core values and goals.
  • Deliberately repeat it until it becomes your new habit. (This can take 3 months.) An affirmative personal story is necessary for successful personal change. The right story engenders courage and deepens determination.

Now, I’m “off duty.”

Have a great day!

My Bugaboo

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

One thing that has bugged me for a long time is that reality is sometimes created by repetition.  It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s true. Said enough times, people believe it.  

To this day Susan’s situation gets to me. Her mother and oldest sister were both jealous of her. She was popular, a good student, and always seemed to be happy.  They weren’t. The lie began the summer we took a trip together.

Susan had worked three jobs to save for school and this trip. While we were away, their home was pickedted. Some people in town thought her dad was a slum landlord and demonstrated to get him to change his practices. All was quiet on the homefront when Susan returned and soon after left for school.

When Susan was away in school, mother began testing lies. Nothing took hold until she accused her of being good friends with one of the picketers. It did not matter that she hardly knew her. That started the ball rolling. This then morphed into Susan picketed the house. Family does not picket family. Susan is not part of my family. Mother won. Father, sister, and extended family finally bought into the lie. Susan was disowned. 

What bothers me about this is that it is darn right dangerous for more than Susan. Lies can and are fabricated about whole groups of people, not just about one person. That’s one reason we find it so hard to get along. 

Dr. Harriet